Ninth Fob

On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true fob sent to me
Nine alpha entries*,
Eight Mormons cussing,
Seven shoulders winging,
Six maids unmarried,
FIVE GAY SEX SCENES!
Four times a-fobbed,
Three Moral Peeps,
Two Costco cakes,
And a starling in Tehachapi.

*This is giving the Ninth Fob the benefit of the doubt, assuming a ninth one is coming shortly.