Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Fobs Return to Utah Valley

editorgirl: So I came home tonight to find Edgy cleaning off my table, making room for shrimp dip and enough carbs to ruin everyone's diets. I'm not sure what he was doing here, but I'd been meaning to clean off that table, so I let him do his thing. And then Saule showed up with rolls and then Dec and Absent-Minded. Thus began the deluge.

Edgy: I was cleaning off the table because I arrived to an empty house (meaning that even editorgirl wasn't here) at 6:20 when I was under the impression that we were to be arriving at 6:00. I must confess that it's an odd feeling to be the first to show up at a party when one is not hosting said party. Regardless, the party got off to a lovely start with said shrimp dip and said rolls and bags and bags of chips and bottles and bottles of soda provided for by editorgirl. Finally, Master Fob and FoxyJ and S-Boogie and Lil Dude showed up. With the Costco pizzas. Yum.

Master Fob: Yum indeed. I feel that we should have killed someone, as we usually do in these group posts, but I'm not sure who we killed. Perhaps Tolkien Boy will fill us in there. He did just say something about killing the dog...

Tolkien Boy: When I was invited to this little soiree, I automatically assumed it was because I have more estrogen than editorgirl and Absent-Minded combined. Well, maybe not combined. This, however, was not borne out by facts, as I came bearing--well, nothing, except for my own sense of obligation. It's a strong sense of obligation, which is what kept me up late at night, and early morning, and--okay, so I didn't sleep last night, but not for any good reasons, as the gosspists of FOB and others will suggest to you. Ambrosia, who is lovely as a redhead, now will speak.

Ambrosia: When Bawb and I slunk in late, the house was packed. We slipped into the kitchen, ashamed of our tardiness and hoping that the fruit pizzas would buy us some forgiveness. Shrimp dip, looking inviting, was on the table. Pizza, equally tempting, on the counter. And tucked neatly beside the fridge was the body. Looked like someone had had a little too much Diet Coke. The pinstriped shirt had a red splotch. Probably just ketchup. I moved back to the table and started loading my plate.

Dec: These people are so weird.

eleka: Having friends in high places finally served me well, as I was given invite to tonight's exclusive FOB party. After spending the requisite 2.5 hours making myself pretty (that being the only way I could imagine holding my own - or, at least, distracting them from my lack of English major rhetoric - with the highly erudite sort sure to be in attendance therein) I sashayed my way into editorgirl's house and found it full of fine individuals whom I hadn't seen in far too long. The scent of Saule's homebaking rolls was a fragrancial delight and the table of waiting delectable-looking goodies that we were ever-more failing to abstain from eating kept reminding us that Tolkien Boy was still MIA. After a quick discussion as to whether or not Tolkien Boy is yet adept enough at using his rather new cell phone to understand how to receive text messages, Edgy took a change and sent TB a rather vehement "Where the hell are you?" inquiry. It worked - soon thereafter, TB sashayed himself in to the party - bedecked in Banana Republic, fantastic jeans, and a most amazing accessory: the man bag. He looked devastatingly hot. In a more idealistic alternative universe, I would have been his. Or, rather, he would have been mine.

Bawb: The food was delicious. I do not believe in fiction.

[cue reality TV result show music of your choice]

editorgirl: Fobs, America has voted. Who will be survive the Return to Happy Valley? Master Fob, you provided Costco pizza and performed a tap routine from "Fob: The Musical." Bawb liked the pizza, but thought the tap routine lacked technique. Edgy Killer Bunny couldn't stop laughing long enough to say anything. America has voted--Master Fob, for today, you are safe.

Tolkien Boy, you beat everyone in two rounds of anagrams. I thought you were patronizing. And you were. Eleka commented that you were very well dressed. America voted--and we'll find out what they have to say after the break.


Master Fob said...

We forgot to mention the highlight of the evening, which is when the smoke alarm went off and Saule quickly took apart the doorbell.

And I'm so glad that I didn't get voted off the show. Does this mean I get my part back, or does Hugh Jackman still have it?

Edgy said...

Tolkien Boy, though your sense of obligation is strong, America's is not. You have been fobbed off.

Tolkien Boy said...

Fortunately, it's the ones who get voted off that do the best. Look for my sexy, patronizing self in this year's interpretation of Pride and Prejudice.

Sir Jupiter said...

[Sitting in his underwear in his tiny studio apartment in Seattle with a plate of spaghetti, watching Aimee Mann and William Shatner on YouTube]

>>Sir Jupiter: [With mouth full] Did I miss anything?!

Th. said...


Since I'm alive again, I can deal with anything. Feel free to vote me off.