Gee I hope I spelled that correctly, considering the number of incredibly literate and English-Major-y people who read this. I capitalized that on purpose, by the way.
I don't think I've ever written for this blog, but I figure it's as good a time as any, especially since I'm barely getting anything written on my own.
But that's the point. I'm not writing stuff in my blog, and I've been trying to figure out why. After much self-analysis, I think I've found the reason.
Blogging Self-Consciousness.
Have you ever suffered these symptoms? Mind twitching and fingers itching to express, expostulate, examine, expose--but newly-awakened (and highly unrecognizable) part of the brain screaming "TOO PERSONAL!", leading to (I was going to use the word inevitable here, but after reading a certain blog, decided not to) complete blog-writing shutdown.
Truth is, there's someone who reads my blog that I don't want to have access to my inner, personal thoughts anymore. (Obviously this doesn't apply to the FOBsters.) What's laughable is that I'm not worried about faceless strangers (if there are any) reading some of my deepest angst and most personal emotives. I'm concerned about one, known to me, with whom I no longer desire to share the more private things I'm thinking. It's the need for personal disclosure but the desire for selective personal disclosure. Of course, I may have inadvertantly solved my own problem as that person may read this entry by following the breadcrumb trail of connected blogs. But what's to stop the wrong person from thinking I'm talking about them? These thoughts makes my stomach twist and writhe.
I miss blogging. I miss writing clever entries about the things happening in my life and reading the clever reactions from my clever friends, but I am very concious of not wanting to give away parts of myself to some who store them up as evidence of friendship intimacy that no longer exists.
Do I open a new blog? Make mine invitation only? Do I write bland things for the old one? Forget about the person or persons heretofore referred to and sally forth? Do I sell or give away all that I have, move to a new country, acquire a new name and start all over? Oh, wait. Already done that.
I find it a bizarre and likely, unsolvable dilemma. What would you do?
Help me, Obi-FOBkanobi! You're my only hope.
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4 comments:
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I wish I had a good solution for you, but alas, I do not.
But I will think on this.
And sternly glance at my fellow fobs who are more likely to have good ideas to share.
I think you should get a new online identity and tell only me. Either that or arrange for the person in question to be shot.
I can't say I have a good solution for you either. Interestingly enough, I've been going through a similar situation of later as well.
While dating my ex, he never read my blog. Ever. Once we broke up, he was all over it. To some extent, I responded by backing off and not being as forthcoming as I would have liked.
In the end, though, I came to the personal conclusion that I don't care if he reads what I think. True, it's not that it's really any of his business, but the nature of a blog is the public sharing of your personal affairs.
So I guess you need to decide how comfortable you are with sharing those parts of your life. If it helps, you caould perhaps throw out a disparaging comment about said person every now and then. It's a bit mean spirited, but it's huge fun once you get used to it.
Thanks for the suggestions! I loved them and it made me feel like a FOB again. I still don't know what to do, but I feel better about it!
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