Monday, May 28, 2007

Things Theric and Tolkien Boy Said To Me In October of 2002 and March of 2005, Respectively (Because They Whine)




Persons A, B, C and D. Person A is married to person B; person C is married to person D. Person B does not figure in to this. Person A knows both persons C and D (so does person B, incidentally), and is in regular contact with Person C. However, although he knows both person D and person D's name, the spelling is something of a mystery. Knowing that apostacy [sic] has occurred over similar confusion in the past, he avoids mentioning this lack of knowledge. However, in the course of regular exchange of information in conversational settings, person A acquires the needed knowledge without asking through the virtue of patience and clever misdirection. Genius!

Message Proper:

Saturday at six it is, then. And you're right--I hadn't thought of it as a factor, but of course your having been here previously will ease your finding it this time. Of course! As for bringing stuff, I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but we, at least, will be wearing clothes. Besides that, you're absolutely off the hook. If you ahve [sic] some brilliant diversion you've been dying to share with someone, however, please--bring it along.

Tolkien Boy

Provo, UT. A local Provo man has found himself embroiled in what is certain to be a ground-breaking legal proceeding. The case, Pillow vs. Boy, the first in which an inanimate object is the plaintiff, will be heard before the Utah Supreme later this month.
Pillow is suing Boy under charges of abuse and maltreatment. The incident involved in the case arose from a domestic dispute that Tolkien Boy of Ogden, Utah, had with his pillow while living in BYU-approved housing. According to Boy's roommate, Mr. Roommate, on the night in question Boy repeatedly beat his pillow while screaming .
"There were feathers everywhere," quipped Roommate. "I didn't think anyone still had pillows with feathers in them. Dude."
Pillow was admitted to the local hospital and is expected to recover. A spokesman for the family said that they were "shocked, but forgiving."
"Tolkers and his pillow have a long relationship," said the spokesman. "No one wants them to break up over a little thing like this."

Boy himself was unavailable for comment. A press statement issued by his lawyers indicate that an insanity plea will play an important role in their defense to the judge. Meanwhile, pillows across the state have risen up in support of their beleagured sister.
"It's a terrible sadness," said a pillow owned by Master Fob of Orem. "It could have been any one of us. I'm so glad I'm in a stable relationship."


Tolkien Boy said...

Ah, yes, I remember that. Poor pillow.

Incidentally, the nice judge gave me a full pardon. Apparently, her in-laws were pillows, too.

Th. said...


Has an 'i'---you'll notice I still remember.